It's Not That Simple
by A Single Drop of Blood
Summary: Bella is finally going to become a vampire. Her dream come true. Now everything will be better, everything will be perfect. . . right?As usual, things are NEVER that simple. Bella learns the ENTIRE truth about being a vampire, good AND bad.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Chapter Notes:

Hi everybody.

I probably shouldn't be writing this right now. (God knows I have serious updating to do). But this idea came into my head when I was surfing through Nobody ever writes about all the bad things about becoming a vampire. Becoming a vampire is, in 99 percent of all fanfictions, a good thing. Bella never deals with extrememe bloodlust, Bella's eyes 'magically' stop being red after so long, or, right after they turn her, they put her smack in the middle of a bunch of humans. Now, if we were following the rules, Bella wouldn't be able to stand being around all those humans, and we all know it. So, I'm going to try to do things right. I'm going to try to put at least most of this, if not all of it, in Bella's point of view, and, hopefully, the finished product will be the way things are SUPPOSED to be after she gets turned, no Volturi, no random Cullen disapearance (and reapearance... every time... after 'X' number of years...). Just normal life. Well, as normal as it can be for a newly turned vampire. . .

I hope you all will enjoy this, and, if not, I will be sad, but I can't honestly blame you all if you don't like it. It will NOT be like other fanfictions. Now that you have been warned, may I present... drumroll It's Not that Simple . . .

volvos4vamps

Vision. Gone.

Voice. Gone.

Screaming. Long gone. Like I would be able to even speak after two days of non-stop screaming. . .

Fire. Definetly not gone. The icy fire that seeped through me, both burning me alive and freezing my soul, never seemed to stop, only spread, discovering some new way to prolong my endless torture.

Three days suddenly turned into an eternity in itself. I wondered absently if, if three days seemed this long, how would I fare actually existing for an eternity? But soon the fire spread to my head, blocking all coherent thoughts.

I didn't know if Edward was there or not. I supposed that he was, seeing as he had promised me. But, I doubted that there wasn't something that needed to be done, some unknown task that needed to be completed. My Change aside, of course.

So the eternity continued.

I could feel my body changing, feel the 'pop' along my spine as it disconnected and came together again. Multiple times. I could feel my body draining itself of things that were no longer necesary, like water, and by the second day, I was extremely dehydrated. Thirsty. And yet water was not what sounded apetizing. . .

By the third day, I was much better off. My body had finished most of its 'reconstruction,' and the pain was dimming slowly, as if it, too, were draining from my body, just as the water had.

About halfway through that day, my heartbeat was all that I had left. All other traces of humanity had vanished. But, of course, I knew that eventually, very soon, in fact, my heartbeat would also depart, leaving me truly 'dead.' I listened to it, its slow, rhythmic beating, as it gradually began to slow down. I quieted my breathing, ignoring the pain that was barely existent at this point, so that I could listen better, listen, and know the exact time, the exact second, that the Change was complete. Slower and slower my heart beat, a dying drum, fading into the distance. And then, without warning, it stopped. 

And the world was black.

**(((A/N: I considered simply stopping at this point, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it? No, it wouldn't. Yes, that's right, the person infamous for cliffhangers has not stopped at a cliffhangers. No, you are not dreaming. Now, continue reading the story, for the 'fun' has only barely begun.)))**

I realized, after a few moments of panic, that I was not blind. The room was simply extremely dark. In fact, I was beginning to be able to make out shapes, objects, in the small room.

I had been moved, I realized. I was no longer in Edward's room, as I had been when Edward had first bitten me, but in an unfamiliar one. The styling of the bedroom was similar to those on the second floor, so I assumed that must be where I was.

I sat up, slowly. My throat felt raw. I was sure that this feeling was not natural, that it surely must be fromthe screaming that I had done over the last three days.

But it didn't feel like that. It was an aching, maddening feeling, causing my head to scream and my position to shift, searching, instinctively, I knew, for a liquid to satiate the thirst that burned my throat. And I knew exactly what I was looking for.

Blood.

I heard a gasp below me, how far, I couldn't tell. "She's awake," a sweet soprano voice said, so quiet, so softly, that I wasn't sure if I had imagined teh voice at first. I recognized the soprano as Alice, and was surprised to no longer detect the melody that wove through her tone when I was human. It sounded sweeter, but the melody was gone. It was, I realized, probably because I was no longer her prey, and therefore, no longer noticed the sounds that were so enticing to humans. I wondered absently if that meant that they would all look different as well.

"Bella?" A soft voice said outside my door. Alice again. I rose silently, ignoring the screams from my sore muscles, and, before I realized that I had moved, I was right behind the door.

I had forgotten about the speed. This would be interesting to get used to...

I opened the door, again too swiftly to pass for human, and was greeted by a grinning Alice.

She looked the same, I realized, a wave of relief washing over me. The same pale-skinned, black-haired, grinning Alice. Though her teeth no longer held a menacing edge to them, as they did before. Perhaps this was because I had nothing to fear from them now...

"Oh, Bella!" Alice threw herself at me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Alice," I greeted her, surprised to find that my voice no longer sounded like that of the human Bella Swan. It was a higher pitch than before, and I could imagine the surprise on my face.

"You're not a little human anymore," she reminded me. "You knew you would change."

"I never thought about my voice changing," I admitted, feeling foolish. Of course it would change, I didn't honestly believe that the Cullens sounded like they were singing 24/7 as humans, did I? No. I simply never thought about it.

The thirst was unbearable, and suddenly Jasper was behind Alice, looking directly at me.

"You should hunt," he said, not bothering with a greeting. "You will feel better afterwards, I assure you."

"I'll take you to hunt in a minute," Alice promised.

"Where is Edward?" I asked, only now realizing that he had never come to see me. A small part of me was insanely curious, and an even smaller part of me wondered if he was avoiding me. No, I told myself. There is a logical explanation for this, I know it.

Alice and Jasper both chuckled.

"Edward will be very upset," Alice told me. "He refused to leave your side, not for anything, and he was upset when Carlisle made him come with him to run an errand at the hospital. Edward was hoping to be the first to greet you when you Awakened. I'm sure he will be annoyed with Carlisle for making him leave."

"I can imagine what he will say now," Jasper said, smiling softly. " 'Of course, the very instant that I leave her side, she wakes up. Luck is as harsh as ever, it seems.' "

I giggled. That did sounded like Edward.

"Alice?" I said, turning backtowards her. She looked at me, meeting my gaze. "Can you take me hunting sooner, rather than later?"

"Oh, yes, of course, Bella," Alice said, smiling and taking my hand. She pulled me out of the room, not bothering to lose patience at the fact that I couldn't walk at a normal, human pace. When we passed Emmett and Rosalie's room, they looked up at me.

"Bella!" Emmett yelled, grinning. "You look great!"

Rosalie smacked the back of his head. Emmett only grinned.

"Catch a big bear for me, alright?" he said, laughing.

"Sure, sure," I said, a momentarily guilt wave spreading over me. I had taken that response from Jacob.

Jacob.

I looked down at the bracelt on my wrist. On one side, the side closest to me, was the heart I had gotten from Edward. On the other, I knew without looking, was the small wolf that Jacob had hand-carved for me, a gift.

I had already hurt him so much. And now I had hurt everybody. Every human and werewolf I knew. Because I was selfish.

I was selfish. I couldn't deny it. I was hurting so many people, just so that I could stay with Edward. Because I knew who I couldn't live without.

But just as I couldn't see Jacob's charm, I couldn't see him. Ever again. Unless he wanted me to come, of course. But that would never happen. I knew it wouldn't and yet I desperately hoped that it would. But werewolves were werewolves and vampires were vampires. Mortal enemies. As much as I wanted it to simply be Bella and Jacob, I knew the truth. But just because I knew it, I didn't have to like it. Or accept it.

Alice led me out the door, away from every last trace of humanity and towards what was to be the beginning of my new... not 'life,' for my body was technically dead now... Existence, I remembered. That was what Edward had called his 'life.'

Once I had hunted, I would truly be a vampire. I knew this. And a large part of me was estatic at finally being what I had dreamed of being for the last two years.

And yet, if I had gotten what I wanted, why was I so sad?

Chapter End Notes:

By the way, this is 100 BxE. There will be no BxJ, and if you were expecting it, prepare to be disapointed.

I will probably update a little less often than my other fanfcitions (and by that I mean five days instead of three; I don't plan to go back to the horrid 'updating once a month' thing...), but I like this story, so I will keep working on it, even if it turns out that only one person likes it.

I hope you do like it, though, because I put a lot of time and effort into this. What would let me know best, of course, would be a review, even if it simply to flame me. It only takes twenty seconds, and it is EXTREMELY irratating to see 500+ hits, for example, and only 10 reviews. So please, tell me what you think. Good? Bad? I really want to know what you think of it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again,

Again, I have much more important things that I should be doing right now (ie. studying, homework, updating…), but I just can't ignore this one. Ever since I posted the first chapter, plot-lines have been erupting forwards in my mind. And I was about to go insane. So, to cure my insanity, as well as satiate what pleases me as hunger for more from this fan-fiction, here I am, writing up another chapter.

Before I continue, I wanted to remind the especially ignorant (now, I don't even know if there are any ignorant people reading this… but just in case…), this story does NOT involve the Volturi, it does NOT include the Cullens (ANY of them) leaving, and it is DEFINETLY not one of those ever-occurring "what if Edward never came back and . . ." stories. This is a simple, normal story about the good AND bad, the ups and downs, of being a vampire. THAT'S IT. So, now that the ignorants have been warned (whether they will listen is another story completely…), I am pleased to present the second chapter of It's Not That Simple . . .

Chapter Two: Bloodlust

"Now," Alice instructed as we hid conspicuously behind a bush. "You want to remain very… still…"

"Very still," I echoed, meeting her gaze. I was sure that, had I a heart, it would be racing. But then again, had I a heart, I wouldn't be hiding behind a bush in a forest, hunting for blood…

"If you concentrate," Alice continued, "you will smell an animal. Let your instincts take over then, and find the animal. After that, you won't need my help. All you need to do… is smell it."

"Right…" I muttered.

How was I supposed to just… smell it? Was there some way to heighten our senses? I didn't know…

I closed my eyes, not at all sure what I was doing. I was concentrating, I supposed, on finding some way to heighten my sense of smell, so that I could find, could _smell_ the animals.

I took a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. In…

There. There, on the wind, I could smell it. And I knew what it was, though I had never smelt it before. It was a deer. I could smell it. I could smell its blood. And I knew _exactly_ where it was coming from, too. A few miles north of here. There were two of them. Females.

Before I consciously knew what I was doing, a feral growl ripped from my throat, deep, low. A red haze fell over my eyes, tinting my vision. I was sure that the color would hurt my vision, that I wouldn't be able to find the deer now, but just the opposite occurred. I could see better, and, before I realized that I had even moved, the deer were less than ten feet away.

Venom pooled in my mouth, and I knew that my thirst would soon be satiated. The first deer would be the lucky one, I knew. That one would not see death coming. But the other one… I was sure that Alice would get it, even if it escaped me. I almost felt sorry for them. But, before I had even finished with that thought, the first deer was down, its neck broken.

The other deer let out a startled cry, and turned to flee. But of course it wasn't fast enough. Alice was on top of it, and then it, too, was dead. She glanced at me for a moment, judging my reaction to what had just occurred. I had never seen her like that before, I had never even known that the expression that was in her eyes just before she struck, one that I was sure on my face as well, existed. Pleasure, disgust, and an unknown, and yet completely frightening, expression, all in one.

Before I could form a say anything, a drop of blood oozed from the deer. Just a drop. But it was plenty enough for the red haze to return. I was immediately leaning over the deer, drinking from it.

The blood was hot in my mouth, exactly perfect for what I yearned for. The wound that I had inflicted was, indeed, not the identical holes, as the stories claimed, nor was it the crescent-shaped scar that still existed on my hand. It was a tear, leading, thankfully, right to a main vein. And the blood tasted delicious.

But, eventually, the deer was drained, and I pulled away, the red haze gone. I turned to Alice, who pulled away from her deer soon after I did. She met my gaze, and I saw two emotions in her eyes, fighting for dominance. The first emotion showed that she was pleased, somewhat, that I had found 'food' so quickly. The second emotion was a little harder to decipher. There was sadness in her eyes, and, as I tried to comprehend why, I heard something.

Footsteps. Less than ten miles away.

Alice turned towards the sound, before looking back at me. Her expression showed nothing at what, or who, was coming. I turned back towards the sound, trying to figure out what it was.

Again, a scent hit me, sending emotion through me, so strong that it sent me running towards it. I reached it in mere seconds, and I was grinning the instant that I was close enough to be within sight range. I ran up so that I was mere inches away, before throwing myself forwards, determined to close that space that was between us.

Edward.

**(((A/N: Yay! Edward is here! Finally! But honestly, I really want your opinions on my version of how Bella hunted her first time. I wasn't really sure how anything worked in that field, since I've read about a hundred different versions of how it would happen. I tried to take a little from all of them, and also add my own, more 'realistic' bits to it. I hope I wrote it okay. I'm not at all sure about this chapter, but the next one is definitely better. Please review!!! I'm DYING to know what you think of this chapter!)))**


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Chapter Notes:

Hey,

You know the deal. I should be writing something else now (cough The Vision cough), but I like this story. And I got so many reviews! I'm so happy that people seem to like this! I really like writing this. I hope you all like it too.

(A lot of people asked why she wasn't upset about killing the animals. The answer is because seeing Edward made her forget for the moment. But, even perfection such as Edward can only distract one for so long…)

Chapter Three: Invisible Tears

Oh God.

Oh _God…_

"Bella?" Edward's voice was soft from the other side of the door. He knocked once, twice. The door was only locked – he could have easily opened the door - but he was respecting that I had locked the door. And I knew that he only wanted to comfort me, to make sure that I was alright.

But I needed to be alone.

After a few more times of calling my name, Edward sighed quietly. "You know where I'll be if you need me," he said quietly, his voice infused with sadness. I nodded, though I knew he couldn't see me.

And then it was only me.

The instant that Edward was out of earshot, the sobs bubbled up again. They choked me, made me gasp for breath in the silence, though of course I had no need to breathe. Not anymore…

I could _not_ believe what I had done. I had killed a completely innocent animal! I killed it! I was a monster…

How could I? I mean… I had slaughtered those innocent deer without a single thought about the animals themselves. I only thought of their blood. All I cared about was that wonderful red liquid…

No! Even now, even though I had _killed_ those deer, I still didn't regret killing the deer as close to as much as I should… What was _wrong_ with me?

I brought my knees to my chest, the world shaking with my tearless sobs. I buried my head into my knees, trying to pull myself together. I _hated _what I had done to those poor, innocent deer, and hated _myself_ even more for killing them. But I was killing Edward. I knew how worried he was, knew how he was probably blaming himself for my sadness. And I couldn't allow that. He was the center of my personal universe, and I would _not_ allow him to suffer, especially not because of me.

I took slow, deep breaths, allowing the shaking to slow. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes, standing up. I could smell Edward, just a few miles away. Just enough to be out of earshot, and yet close enough that I knew he was struggling, struggling as to whether or not to come to comfort me, or to respect my need for privacy.

I reached over to the table next to me, grabbing the small silver cell phone on the bedside table. I carefully dialed Edward's numbers, not wanting to break the fragile phone. I let it ring once, and then hung up. I only needed to let him know that I was ready for him to come back. And, just as I knew he would, I could hear his movement through the forest only seconds after that first ring. I stood up, setting down the phone and unlocking the door. Edward was waiting on the other side of the door, his face concerned. He brought me into his arms, pressing his face gently into my hair. I wrapped my arms around him, closing all space between us. Edward sighed softly, tightening his hold around me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Chapter End Notes:

Short. Yes. But I hated writing sad. Please review! I am entirely unsure as to how this chapter turned out. I had my friend read this and she said it was good. (But then again she told me this other crap-fic i wrote was good...) So ... you'll tell me how it is - - - Won't you?


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